My name is Kathryn Marie Breeze, but I go by Marie. I have no idea what the meaning of my name is, nor have I ever been interested in it. My maiden name was Farnsworth, but I do not claim that name with pride. I was named three days after I was born by my mother's sister, Michelle. My mother never thought of a name for me, so my aunt took it upon herself to give me one. She named me after my grandmother, Katie, and my great-grandmother, Maria. I've never really liked my name, because it's not creative or interesting.
I currently live in a one bedroom apartment in Pascagoula, Mississippi with my two younger sisters, Tegan and Emily. Our apartment is small, but quaint. The walls are white with almost no decoration, and it's kind of boring. It almost gets depressing how plain our apartment is, but as long as I have my sisters there to liven things up I'll be okay. I'm fond of my hometown... It's not too bad. We live pretty close to the beach, and my sisters and I try to go there as much as possible, even when it's cold outside. I grew up in Pascagoula, and even though I keep telling myself that I'll leave one day, I'm afraid I'll never have the courage to leave everything behind since I've grow to love it so much here.
The earliest memories I have of my childhood are the ones that I'm not very fond of. I had to learn to cook, clean, and pretty much take care of myself by the age of eight, since I had no one to do it for me. My mother was usually too high to bother with me or passed out from drinking too much. My father was a drug dealer, who wasn't home most of the time. I can still remember the first time I witnessed my mother doing drugs. I was in the 1st grade and I came home to find her in my bedroom with another man, snorting a white powder. I never said anything about it, and by the time I was old enough to understand the full extent of my mom's addiction, I had already lost all respect for her.
I was six years old when Emily was born. I didn't even know my mom was about to have a baby until about a month before she was born, since I didn't really know what pregnancy was at the time. I was excited to have a baby sister, and I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her. Emily was a beautiful baby, but she looked nothing like me. We had different fathers, which I didn't find out until I was about 12, because my mother was still married to my father when she had Emily. I was protective of my little sister and had a strong bond with her, and we never once fought about anything like most sisters do.
I was about 9 years old when I tried to run away from home. My mother and I never got along, whenever she was coherent enough to notice my presence. One time, we got into a huge argument, and even though I can't remember what it was about I can still remember what she said. I remember that it was the day she told me I was a mistake, and that I was the reason she was on drugs. She told me that it was my fault that her life was filled with so many problems, and that she hated me. I was only 9, but I decided that I had had enough of her nonsense. That night, I packed a pillowcase full of clothes and food, kissed Emily on the cheek and told her I loved her, and then I left. I had no idea where I was going, and I didn't get very far. I ended up sleeping in the park by my house, and my aunt came to pick me up two days later because apparently she knew that's where I would be. My aunt was always coming over to visit, and I guess she got worried when my mother didn't know where I was.
Only a month after I tried to run away, Emily and I found out that we had another little sister on the way. Her name was Tegan, and she looked almost exactly like I did when I was a baby. It was strange that we looked so much alike, since I looked like my father, and she had a different father than me just like Emily did. After my dad found out that my mother was pregnant by another guy again, he left. It didn't affect me very much though, because I never saw him much while growing up. The only thing I hated about having him leave, was the fact that my mother's drug abuse got worse when he didn't come back.
Less that a year after Tegan was born, my mother and I got into another bad fight, one that was much worse that the first. I didn't try to run away this time, though. I just called my aunt and asked her to come and pick me up. She did, and I was so upset that I told her everything that had been going on in my house and how I felt about it. She was surprised, and she said she didn't know that things had gotten so bad for me. That was when she promised me that she would get me out of that house, along with my sisters. She then got custody of me and Emily, and after about a year she finally got custody of Tegan. Aunt Michelle lived in a three bedroom house, so I shared a room with Emily while Tegan got her own bedroom.
When I was in the 6th grade, I met a girl named Anna Greene. Anna transferred to my school from Michigan, and she sat behind me in my homeroom class. As Anna and I got to know each other, we realized how much we had in common. She came from the same background as me, and her mom was a lot like mine. We became best friends, and we confided in each other about everything. I was so happy to finally have some one who understood what I was going through, and someone that I could trust. I loved her as much as I loved my own sisters, and to this day we're still best friends.
When I was a 17 years old, my life changed forever. I met a guy named Tyler Edward Breeze at a concert in Biloxi. I was standing in the crowd, when some tall guy ran into me, knocking me down to the floor. I was afraid I was about to get trampled, when I felt someone pulling me back up. I turned around and said "thank you" to a guy with strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes. He smiled and said, "No problem, I'm Tyler. You're Marie, right?" which surprised me, since I thought I had never seen him before. I answered him with "yes" and then stared at him like he was crazy until he told me that he was one of Anna's friends, and that he had seen me with her before.
Tyler and I started getting to know each other more and more as time passed, and on June 14, 2005 we started dating. I loved everything about Tyler, and he made me the happiest I had been for my entire life. We had been dating for two years when he finally asked me to marry him on August 28, 2007. We got married on October 14, 2007 and bought a house together in Moss Point, Mississippi. Tyler was the sweetest guy in the world, and he was always happy. I loved living with him, and things were going great until April 23, 2008, when everything changed.
I was working at Wal-Mart at the time, and I had just got home from work when I noticed that Tyler's car was out front, but he was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere else in the house until I noticed that the bedroom door was closed. I went into the bedroom and collapsed at the sight of my husband lying on the floor, when a note in one hand and and two empty bottles of pills in the other. I checked to see if he was breathing, and he wasn't. I called the police and tried to tell them what happened as calmly as I could. I was so in shock that I was shaking, and I could barely breathe. I didn't understand how it could be happening, I had just talked to him an hour before I got home and he was fine. I really thought that things were getting better for me when I married Tyler, but I know now that nothing good ever lasts for me.
His funeral service was dreadful, and I could barely keep myself together. His parents only showed up for a few minutes, but they left because they couldn't stand to be around me. They blamed me for his death, as did many other people. I can't even imagine what drove him to do it, to leave me behind like he did. Suicide is a complicated thing. I loved him so much, but at the same time I hate him for what he did. I feel selfish for saying that, but no one could ever even begin to understand how much pain he left behind for me. The note that he left was pointless. All it said was "I love you, Marie. And I'm sorry..." Sorry? He was just sorry and that's it. I started having really bad anxiety problems after Tyler died and I went into a deep state of depression for a while. After everything I've been through, losing him was probably the hardest thing I've ever dealt with.
After Tyler died, I moved out of our house in Moss Point and sold it. I couldn't stand being in that house alone without Tyler there. I moved in to a one bedroom apartment back in Pascagoula. Not too long after that, Aunt Michelle started getting really sick and couldn't take care of Tegan an Emily anymore. They moved in with me, which was probably the best thing that happened to me that year. Having my sisters around always makes everything a thousand times easier. I love being in their company, and we're always there for each other. My sisters are my best friends, and they're all I care about right now.
My future seems a thousand miles away from me right now. Every day keeps going by slowly. I only hope that things get better soon. I want to be able to take care of my sisters and do what's best for them. My number one goal is for them to be happy, and for me to keep myself happy, no matter how hard it might be. I know that someday I'll be able to escape from this place and start a new life, and I'm just waiting for that day to come.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
My Memoir for AP Language [doyle]
My full name is Tori Danielle Brannon, but everyone, and I mean everyone, calls me Danni. I've always introduced myself as "Danni," and if you call me something else i probably won't know who you're referring to. I've been told a lot of different stories about my name and where it comes from but the story that my grandmother always tells me is the one that I like best. Apparently, when I was born my mother and father had decided that they wanted to name me Danielle, but they had trouble giving me a middle name. So they asked for the opinion from the first nurse that walked into the hospital room where I was born, and she told them she loved the name "Tori Danielle," and that is what my mother put on my birth certificate that day.
I live in a house with my grandparents in Moss Point, Mississippi. I grew up here, and I've never really had the chance to visit many places outside of Mississippi. I love my house and the people I live with, at least on a good day. Like most teenagers, my bedroom is my favorite room in my house. The walls in my bedroom are a pale blue color, livened up by all the paintings and photographs I have on them. My room is my sanctuary, and I spend more time in it than any other room in my house. I also love my backyard, and I go outside a lot just to have some quiet time to myself, or to play with my dog. The one thing I really love about my backyard is the tire swing that has been there for almost 30 years now, and still holds up just as strong as it did when it was first hung on the tree. Since the time I was old enough to fit in the tire swing, I've always loved swinging in it and I still go out there all the time when I want to be alone. All of my best and worst memories will remain on that tire swing, in my house, and in my hometown.
When I was only 5 years old, I experienced something that changed my life dramatically -- the death of my mother. It's hard for me to recall my exact thoughts and feelings from that time because back then my mind was so different from what it is now. My mother died in the hospital, and I seldom ask why, because I've never been given a completely honest answer. I can remember exactly how it felt when my grandfather told me "Mama is in heaven, with Daddy, now." He put it to me simply, and I completely understood what it meant. For some strange reason, the one thing thing that sticks out to me was the thought running through my head as i was driving away from the hospital with my mother's close friend, Kim. I remember crying, so hard that i compared myself to Alice from Alice in Wonderland, in the scene where she cries until she floods an entire room. I guess that's just how young children think, but suddenly my fear of drowning surpassed any sadness or fear I had of my mother's death.
Shortly after the death of my mother my grandparents decided to get custody of me and have me live with them in their home. I have lived with them ever since, and I feel lucky to have them to take care of me now. It wasn't a hard adjustment for me, besides not having my mother there. I already had a room set up at the house, a crayola crayon rainbow theme bedroom, from when they would babysit me while my mother worked. They treated me like I was their own daughter, and it has always felt that way for me.
My first few years in elementary school were not very interesting at all, up until I was in the 5th grade. My 5th grade year was the year I was accepted into L.I.F.T., a gifted program, which stood for "Leaders of Inteligent and Futuristic Thinkers." Just looking back on the years I spent in L.I.F.T always puts a smile on my face. I met my best friends my 5th grade year, and to this day all of us are still like family. In L.I.F.T., we would do puzzles, brainteasers, logic problems, and a lot of random things just for fun. There was never a boring moment in L.I.F.T. and I would give anything to go back and relive those moments. I loved my teacher, Mrs. Murray, as if she were my own grandmother, and I loved all my fellow students, as well. One of my favorite things about L.I.F.T was the fact that we were always encouraged to think outside of the box, and to always be creative. L.I.F.T taught me a lot of life lessons, and it helped to build my confidence because it was the only place that I ever truly felt like I was accepted during my entire 6 years of elementary school.
I started Junior High in August of 2004, and although nothing exciting occured during my 7th grade year, my 8th grade year caused drastic changes that still affect me to this day. My 8th grade year was filled with bittersweet memories, laughter, and depression all at once. It was the year that i consider both the best and the worst year of my life. I struggled with depression, and I developed harmful habits that were hard to quit. I lost a lot of respect for myself that year, and I never really understood why. I forgot what it was like to care, and I ended up hurting myself along with the others who cared about me. But in the midst of all of the chaos, there was one person who I know I could have never made it without, and her name is Heather Leigh Cuevas. Heather was there for me no matter what I had going on, no matter what kind of trouble I was getting into. She helped me get through one of the hardest times of my life, and to this day she still hasn't let me down. I confided in her about everything, and I hate that I caused her so much trouble but I'm thankful that regardless of what i did, she never left me. She always found a way to cheer me up, and we both have a similar sense of humor that most people couldn't even start to understand. We've known each other since we were in diapers, but since that year we have been closer than ever, and she has shown me the true meaning of a best friend.
In 9th grade not only was I excited about starting high school, but one of the best things happened to me that year. On September 17, 2006 I started dating Justin Tyler Williams. He was a senior and I was a freshman, and it took forever for us to start dating because neither of us had the courage to tell each other how we each felt. I took the first step by giving him my phone number, and after about a week of texting and playing the "20 questions" game, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I tried to contain my excitement, but i was obviously freaking out because i was so happy. I was afraid it wouldn't last long though, because I was scared that we didn't know each other well enough. I'm glad I gave it a shot though, because having Justin has made these past two years so much better. I fell in love with his intelligence, his goofy personality, his passionate heart, and his artistic side, one that he's usually too shy to show to anyone but me. I never saw myself being this serious about someone until I met him. He truly makes me feel whole again.
The summer of 2007 was one of my busiest summers ever. I spent most of the first half with my boyfriend, going to the movies, swimming at his house, and hanging out at my house. One of the biggest changes for me was having my sister get married. Not only did I have a new brother-in-law, but as soon as they got married, my sister and her husband bought a house -- right next door to me! My sister is absolutely my best friend in the entire world, and there has never been a fight between us. I love her more than anything in the world, and having her move in next door to me made everything a thousand time more exciting for me that year. I ended up staying at her house more than I stayed at my own, whether it be from passing out on her floor, staying up to watch movies and hang out until we were giddy from sleep deprivation, or because I didn't want to go back to my house and have to face my grandparents after I had been drinking too much. What happended at her house, stayed at her house, and I'll never forget all the crazy things we did together, along with our close friends. My sister has a unique, humorous personality that will put you in a good mood no matter what kind of day you're having, and having her there with me at all times made me the happiest I had been for a while.
In the fall of 2007 I started my 10th grade year of high school, which was my best school year so far. The one thing that changed high school for me altogether was joining Drama Club. I met a lot of new people when I joined, and now they're like my family. I'm glad I met my drama club teacher, Mr. Doyle, because his unique personality and ideas changed my perspective on different aspects of life in general. Mr. Doyle, along with other members of my Drama Club family, helped me to see a completely different side of myself that I never knew was there. I became more confident because of them, and I gained a willingness to learn more and better myself as much as possible. Getting the chance to perform in front of people and leaving with the confidence I gained from that experience has driven me to make myself more successful not only in theatre, but in my entire education as a whole. Drama club was always my favorite part of the week, and I'm 100 percent committed to it. I know that the friends I've made in Drama club will be my friends for life, and I love being a part of such a talented group. Drama club is fun, it makes me happy, and I feel like it's where I belong in school.
The most recent, and most devastating event that has happened to me came on June 23, 2008, which was the death of my brother-in-law, Eric. He was married to my sister for only a year when he died. His death was unlike any other person's death that I have had to deal with in the past. With my mother, she was in the hospital, so people tend to expect the worst. With Eric, his death was sudden and tragic, and it left everyone stunned, with questions that no one could ever have the answer to.
When he was married to my sister, he wasn't just my brother-in-law -- he was my brother, my best friend. I loved him, and I regret not giving myself the chance to tell him that before it was too late. We had so much in common, like our passion for animals, nature, computers, technology, and video games. He was happy, caring, softspoken, and I sometimes considered him a dork, but that's what made him Eric. The memory of his death is still very vivid to me, a memory that is burned into my mind and will never go away.
It was always hard to read Eric's emotions. He was almsot always smiling, even when he was upset. The day eric died, my grandpa was taking me and Heather home from summer school when he stopped at the drug store to pick something up. The ironic thing is that Heather and I were reading over her report for english that she had written about suicide, when I heard the car door open on my side. I turned and my grandpa staring at me, and I could tell right away that something was wrong. He looked at me and said "something terrible has happened..." and I immediately assumed something had happened to my grandma. But he continued "...it's not your grandma... Eric," he said. Then he paused, as if I knew what he was about to say. "Eric hung himself... In the shed." My heart dropped. Have you ever been hit so hard in the chest that you couldn't breathe, and it felt as if at any minute, your lungs were going to cave in? Well, picture that, only about ten times worse. I looked over at Heather in the seat next to me, and she was frozen, with her hand covering her mouth and a single tear rolling down her cheek. My voice didn't work at that point, like in a bad dream where you want to scream but you struggle to make a sound and nothing comes out. There wasn't much i could say anyway, and all i could do was cry.
What hurt more than anything was going home and seeing my sister, and having to see her break down the way she did. My sister is the strongest person I know, and I've never seen her upset like she was that day. After Eric died, so many things started changing for me. My sister moved out of her house next door and sold it, and even though I tried to spend as much time with her as could, it still wasn't the same. We became distant for a little while, but eventually we were inseparable again, we just tried to refrain from talking about Eric. I started having anxiety problems and my sister's personality completely changed for a while. It was hard, but I knew we had to stick together throughout the whole situation. I wanted to comfort my sister the best way I could, but she usually prefers to work out her problems on her own, much like I do. Things started looking up as school started, and I know that eventually people move on. I know that Eric's death will always be a traumatizing memory for me, but I like to think things will get better as time passes.
I'm looking forward the things further down the road, and I have many goals that I have set for myself in order to be successful and satisfied. My number one goal is to not let anything take away from my happiness, no matter what. I want to be able to make myself happy, because I know that I can't always rely on others to keep me satisfied. As far as my education goes, i want to finish high school and go to college. I haven't decided on what college I like best, but it's a tie between Auburn and MSU, because I know that they have great veterinary programs. My major career goal is to become a veterinarian. It's not something that I would like to do, but something I have to do, because i know what career i want to have and i won't settle for anything less.
I have a lot of personal goals, also. I really hope that I can overcome all the hardships that I'm dealing with and the ones that I know i'll have to deal with in the future. I want to be able to make myself a more optimistic person, like i used to be, because lately I've become less of the person that I once was. I want to be a good friend and a reliable person. I only hope that I can acheive all of my goals, and do what's best for myself. I want to have everything in my life back in order, so that I can feel at ease again.
I live in a house with my grandparents in Moss Point, Mississippi. I grew up here, and I've never really had the chance to visit many places outside of Mississippi. I love my house and the people I live with, at least on a good day. Like most teenagers, my bedroom is my favorite room in my house. The walls in my bedroom are a pale blue color, livened up by all the paintings and photographs I have on them. My room is my sanctuary, and I spend more time in it than any other room in my house. I also love my backyard, and I go outside a lot just to have some quiet time to myself, or to play with my dog. The one thing I really love about my backyard is the tire swing that has been there for almost 30 years now, and still holds up just as strong as it did when it was first hung on the tree. Since the time I was old enough to fit in the tire swing, I've always loved swinging in it and I still go out there all the time when I want to be alone. All of my best and worst memories will remain on that tire swing, in my house, and in my hometown.
When I was only 5 years old, I experienced something that changed my life dramatically -- the death of my mother. It's hard for me to recall my exact thoughts and feelings from that time because back then my mind was so different from what it is now. My mother died in the hospital, and I seldom ask why, because I've never been given a completely honest answer. I can remember exactly how it felt when my grandfather told me "Mama is in heaven, with Daddy, now." He put it to me simply, and I completely understood what it meant. For some strange reason, the one thing thing that sticks out to me was the thought running through my head as i was driving away from the hospital with my mother's close friend, Kim. I remember crying, so hard that i compared myself to Alice from Alice in Wonderland, in the scene where she cries until she floods an entire room. I guess that's just how young children think, but suddenly my fear of drowning surpassed any sadness or fear I had of my mother's death.
Shortly after the death of my mother my grandparents decided to get custody of me and have me live with them in their home. I have lived with them ever since, and I feel lucky to have them to take care of me now. It wasn't a hard adjustment for me, besides not having my mother there. I already had a room set up at the house, a crayola crayon rainbow theme bedroom, from when they would babysit me while my mother worked. They treated me like I was their own daughter, and it has always felt that way for me.
My first few years in elementary school were not very interesting at all, up until I was in the 5th grade. My 5th grade year was the year I was accepted into L.I.F.T., a gifted program, which stood for "Leaders of Inteligent and Futuristic Thinkers." Just looking back on the years I spent in L.I.F.T always puts a smile on my face. I met my best friends my 5th grade year, and to this day all of us are still like family. In L.I.F.T., we would do puzzles, brainteasers, logic problems, and a lot of random things just for fun. There was never a boring moment in L.I.F.T. and I would give anything to go back and relive those moments. I loved my teacher, Mrs. Murray, as if she were my own grandmother, and I loved all my fellow students, as well. One of my favorite things about L.I.F.T was the fact that we were always encouraged to think outside of the box, and to always be creative. L.I.F.T taught me a lot of life lessons, and it helped to build my confidence because it was the only place that I ever truly felt like I was accepted during my entire 6 years of elementary school.
I started Junior High in August of 2004, and although nothing exciting occured during my 7th grade year, my 8th grade year caused drastic changes that still affect me to this day. My 8th grade year was filled with bittersweet memories, laughter, and depression all at once. It was the year that i consider both the best and the worst year of my life. I struggled with depression, and I developed harmful habits that were hard to quit. I lost a lot of respect for myself that year, and I never really understood why. I forgot what it was like to care, and I ended up hurting myself along with the others who cared about me. But in the midst of all of the chaos, there was one person who I know I could have never made it without, and her name is Heather Leigh Cuevas. Heather was there for me no matter what I had going on, no matter what kind of trouble I was getting into. She helped me get through one of the hardest times of my life, and to this day she still hasn't let me down. I confided in her about everything, and I hate that I caused her so much trouble but I'm thankful that regardless of what i did, she never left me. She always found a way to cheer me up, and we both have a similar sense of humor that most people couldn't even start to understand. We've known each other since we were in diapers, but since that year we have been closer than ever, and she has shown me the true meaning of a best friend.
In 9th grade not only was I excited about starting high school, but one of the best things happened to me that year. On September 17, 2006 I started dating Justin Tyler Williams. He was a senior and I was a freshman, and it took forever for us to start dating because neither of us had the courage to tell each other how we each felt. I took the first step by giving him my phone number, and after about a week of texting and playing the "20 questions" game, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I tried to contain my excitement, but i was obviously freaking out because i was so happy. I was afraid it wouldn't last long though, because I was scared that we didn't know each other well enough. I'm glad I gave it a shot though, because having Justin has made these past two years so much better. I fell in love with his intelligence, his goofy personality, his passionate heart, and his artistic side, one that he's usually too shy to show to anyone but me. I never saw myself being this serious about someone until I met him. He truly makes me feel whole again.
The summer of 2007 was one of my busiest summers ever. I spent most of the first half with my boyfriend, going to the movies, swimming at his house, and hanging out at my house. One of the biggest changes for me was having my sister get married. Not only did I have a new brother-in-law, but as soon as they got married, my sister and her husband bought a house -- right next door to me! My sister is absolutely my best friend in the entire world, and there has never been a fight between us. I love her more than anything in the world, and having her move in next door to me made everything a thousand time more exciting for me that year. I ended up staying at her house more than I stayed at my own, whether it be from passing out on her floor, staying up to watch movies and hang out until we were giddy from sleep deprivation, or because I didn't want to go back to my house and have to face my grandparents after I had been drinking too much. What happended at her house, stayed at her house, and I'll never forget all the crazy things we did together, along with our close friends. My sister has a unique, humorous personality that will put you in a good mood no matter what kind of day you're having, and having her there with me at all times made me the happiest I had been for a while.
In the fall of 2007 I started my 10th grade year of high school, which was my best school year so far. The one thing that changed high school for me altogether was joining Drama Club. I met a lot of new people when I joined, and now they're like my family. I'm glad I met my drama club teacher, Mr. Doyle, because his unique personality and ideas changed my perspective on different aspects of life in general. Mr. Doyle, along with other members of my Drama Club family, helped me to see a completely different side of myself that I never knew was there. I became more confident because of them, and I gained a willingness to learn more and better myself as much as possible. Getting the chance to perform in front of people and leaving with the confidence I gained from that experience has driven me to make myself more successful not only in theatre, but in my entire education as a whole. Drama club was always my favorite part of the week, and I'm 100 percent committed to it. I know that the friends I've made in Drama club will be my friends for life, and I love being a part of such a talented group. Drama club is fun, it makes me happy, and I feel like it's where I belong in school.
The most recent, and most devastating event that has happened to me came on June 23, 2008, which was the death of my brother-in-law, Eric. He was married to my sister for only a year when he died. His death was unlike any other person's death that I have had to deal with in the past. With my mother, she was in the hospital, so people tend to expect the worst. With Eric, his death was sudden and tragic, and it left everyone stunned, with questions that no one could ever have the answer to.
When he was married to my sister, he wasn't just my brother-in-law -- he was my brother, my best friend. I loved him, and I regret not giving myself the chance to tell him that before it was too late. We had so much in common, like our passion for animals, nature, computers, technology, and video games. He was happy, caring, softspoken, and I sometimes considered him a dork, but that's what made him Eric. The memory of his death is still very vivid to me, a memory that is burned into my mind and will never go away.
It was always hard to read Eric's emotions. He was almsot always smiling, even when he was upset. The day eric died, my grandpa was taking me and Heather home from summer school when he stopped at the drug store to pick something up. The ironic thing is that Heather and I were reading over her report for english that she had written about suicide, when I heard the car door open on my side. I turned and my grandpa staring at me, and I could tell right away that something was wrong. He looked at me and said "something terrible has happened..." and I immediately assumed something had happened to my grandma. But he continued "...it's not your grandma... Eric," he said. Then he paused, as if I knew what he was about to say. "Eric hung himself... In the shed." My heart dropped. Have you ever been hit so hard in the chest that you couldn't breathe, and it felt as if at any minute, your lungs were going to cave in? Well, picture that, only about ten times worse. I looked over at Heather in the seat next to me, and she was frozen, with her hand covering her mouth and a single tear rolling down her cheek. My voice didn't work at that point, like in a bad dream where you want to scream but you struggle to make a sound and nothing comes out. There wasn't much i could say anyway, and all i could do was cry.
What hurt more than anything was going home and seeing my sister, and having to see her break down the way she did. My sister is the strongest person I know, and I've never seen her upset like she was that day. After Eric died, so many things started changing for me. My sister moved out of her house next door and sold it, and even though I tried to spend as much time with her as could, it still wasn't the same. We became distant for a little while, but eventually we were inseparable again, we just tried to refrain from talking about Eric. I started having anxiety problems and my sister's personality completely changed for a while. It was hard, but I knew we had to stick together throughout the whole situation. I wanted to comfort my sister the best way I could, but she usually prefers to work out her problems on her own, much like I do. Things started looking up as school started, and I know that eventually people move on. I know that Eric's death will always be a traumatizing memory for me, but I like to think things will get better as time passes.
I'm looking forward the things further down the road, and I have many goals that I have set for myself in order to be successful and satisfied. My number one goal is to not let anything take away from my happiness, no matter what. I want to be able to make myself happy, because I know that I can't always rely on others to keep me satisfied. As far as my education goes, i want to finish high school and go to college. I haven't decided on what college I like best, but it's a tie between Auburn and MSU, because I know that they have great veterinary programs. My major career goal is to become a veterinarian. It's not something that I would like to do, but something I have to do, because i know what career i want to have and i won't settle for anything less.
I have a lot of personal goals, also. I really hope that I can overcome all the hardships that I'm dealing with and the ones that I know i'll have to deal with in the future. I want to be able to make myself a more optimistic person, like i used to be, because lately I've become less of the person that I once was. I want to be a good friend and a reliable person. I only hope that I can acheive all of my goals, and do what's best for myself. I want to have everything in my life back in order, so that I can feel at ease again.
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